Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were trust falling into bushes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
