why didn't you poke me back
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
