Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
