Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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