I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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