Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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