I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
