He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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