what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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