just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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