I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
