By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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