So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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