your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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