i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Welp...herpes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you had me at cake vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
