Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
