If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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