i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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