I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
