yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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