and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
