i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
