well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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