so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
