weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
