i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize