So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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