she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
