this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
