hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
