last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
