You're my little dorito
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
