I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
