mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
