You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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