life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
