I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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