I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
