do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
