he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Screwed.edu
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
