I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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