i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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