I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
