I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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