Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
did i just pee glitter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
