I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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