I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
