I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize