im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
