stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize