Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I see more hoeing in ur future
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