hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
