I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
