you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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