ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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