hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
