He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize