How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
