i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
