I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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