wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
