Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
