Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
