what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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