dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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