I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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