i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
