YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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