why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
