when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
